Babygirl (:

http://www.3saobaos.com/3saobaos/John%20Mayer%20-%20Daughters.mp3
john mayer: daughters

A lot has been going on recently.  I met with my caseworker, Ashley. Lol. She’s really nice. It was a kind of emotional thing, though, at one point, because I cant even begin to imagine that day I have to hand my baby over.  But, its getting better, and although I think i will “change my mind” a  million times, I know what my final decision will be.  She’s helping me work through all this, as a counselor, and prepare me for that day.

20 weeks girlLater that day, after I met Ashley I went to the doctors office for my 20 week sonogram.  First of all, I saw that being in my fifth month, I haven’t even gained 10 pounds yet.  I’ve gained more like 5 or 6.  That’s with my clothes and shoes on!  I kind of worried about it, but im NOT complaining! For a number of reasons!! Ha! BUT, anyway, I found out Im having a baby girl.  She’s going to be so cute , I bet.  I hope she gets my brown hair and Justin’s colored eyes (: Lol. I saw/heard her little heartbeat again, and the anatomy like the four chambers of the heart, I saw her spine, her little bones, feet and hands.  I can’t believe there’s a living thing in there. Lol. It’s so crazy. (the picture is kind of hard to see. it’s like bottom up.)

There is one thing I’m scared about though.  They call it “breeching” where, the babys head is up instead of down.  Apparently it’s normal and she has PLENTY of time to turn around, but I get paranoid about those things.

Hmm, today at work,was horrible to be honest.  It’s the first of REAL back pain I actually felt while being in motion.  It usually comes when I’m leaning back or something. I couldn’t stand bending over and over and not being able to sit down for 6 hours.  At first I was like, Okay, Wow, I’m lazy! But then the back pains got a lot worse! And it’s not lke I was out of breath or anything.  But oh well, that’s what I get, I guess. Lol.  Other than that, things got kind of sad.  This lady passed by with her little baby. She was so cute, and she had the cutest cry.  I felt so bad, and I almost wanted to cry, but then I thought, that cry isn’t going to be cute at 3 AM.  And I just had to think to myself all of the reasons why I was doing this and I literally thought over and over , “its for the best, it’s for the best,” because in that moment I could have totally changed my mind.  Then, there was this young girl I saw earlier in the dressing room, she was buying baby clothes so we started talking about how cute the clothes were.  She said they were for her friend who just turned 19, and we just started having a conversation.  Somehow we got onto the subject of this adoption plan I’m going through, and she told me that it was such a noble thing for me to do.  It REALLY HONESLY helped.  Just minutes before I had been on the verge of tears, I guess, and we really just stood there and talked about everything.  And especially when she said that, those words of reassurance definitely did a lot for me.  Even though I said thank you and everything, I don’t think she even knew it and how just talking to me, and saying that did a lot of good for me.

20 weeks footBut overall, things have been okay.  Other than the emotional side, I just have horrible back pains, especially after work, and I have to hold my back when I walk and it makes me look really funny/awkward. It really sucks, and I really hate it! The bad thing is I’m not even that big yet. Oh well, it’s going to be worth it, I think. 🙂

(her little foot is SO much bigger than the last ultrasound)

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~ by ashleysalazar on August 8, 2009.

2 Responses to “Babygirl (:”

  1. you’re doing the right thing, you’ll be so thankful in the end when you know your baby has a good, stable family to raise her and love her. stay strong:)

    btw, i love reading your blog, ha

  2. Hey Ashley- I’m really proud of you for thinking things through like you are. What a brave girl, to do what you are doing. Not sure if you have checked out my site lately, but I’ve added a few more posts about my early pregnancies and what I went through physically and emotionally. If not, check out the teen pregnancy category on my page, it may help! Good luck, and as I said before for, feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to. http://www.becomingkelly.com

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